Okay, I think I'm turning into an Agnostic, even though I'm Jewish.
Here's the thing, I went to synagogue over the eve of Simchat Torah (Re: Giving of the Torah), and after prayers and food I had a lively discussion with a person who's married, let's name her A.
So, A and I are discussing the bible when I point out that God is almost always referred as male. She said, "No, you have it all wrong, hon. On Shabbat (Re: the day of rest), the schekinah- female aspect of God- takes over."
I have this look of confusion on my face and say something along the lines of, "Then why isn't that aspect praised more often?"
She says, "Just look in the prayers."
Then I pointed out another thing that irked me: "Why- In the morning prayers- it says for a guy 'thank God for not making me a woman'. Isn't that sexist?"
She shakes her head and says, "There's more to it than that. It's not sexist. It's praising the woman. The woman is more spiritual than the man is. And the man has more mitzvahs/ good deeds/ more spirituality to achieve then the woman needs. The woman's already at that level."
I just stood there, equally as confused as before.
So she sighs and says, "When you're married, you'll know what I'm talking about."
I don't get it.
Woman are on a 'higher level' even though they are still regarded as a minority and a submissive party- both in religion and in life.
I don't get it at all.
Do I believe in a God? Maybe.
Is It female? Maybe.
Do I believe in Some Higher Power? Definetely. Just don't know what kind it is, yet.